Northern Illinois Counseling Associates, P.C.

A Tradition of Excellence

Home Staff Services FAQs Forms Contact Us

Marriage Rules/Wedding Rings

Marriage Rules©


By Dr. Larry B. Gelman


People rarely forget anything, especially  if the experience was meaningful, relevant or otherwise significant.  So if someone important to you performs even a teeny, tiny kindness, it is very likely you will remember.


Alternatively, if harm is committed by another, even accidentally or without deliberate intent, it is ever more likely you will never forget.


People rarely forget anything, especially if the experience was really experienced.  If you donít believe me, then just try not to listen to the sound of thunder during a severe storm.  Or the roar of jet engines high in the sky.  Or the gentle patter of little feet walking across an uncarpeted floor.


Some experience is almost impossible to ignore.  And trying to pretend it away makes it even more impossible to ignore.  For example, try not to think of the big toe on your right foot.  Or the beating of your heart.  Or the color purple.


Every action we make, rings a bell.  If the bell is negative, the sound is noxious and the result is painful.  If the  bell is positive, the sound is stimulating and the result is pleasurable.


Interestingly, you canít unring a rung bell!  Once rung, itís rung.  Before itís rung, itís unrung.  For each and every interaction we have with another, whether by design or default, either we ring a bell or we donít.


If the bell we ring is threatening, unpredictable, accusatory, demeaning, hostile, disrespectful, critical, irresponsible or reactive, then weíve rung one bell.  Again, if the bell we ring is inviting, predictable, laudatory, encouraging, friendly, respectful, complimentary, responsible or responsive, then weíve rung a different bell.


Over the life of a marriage, there will be lots of bells rung, some positive and some negative.


Most we will remember, few we will forget.  Consequently, it will be very important to choose wisely and well, how we ďring a bellĒ, to increase the likelihood of what particular rung bell we will want remembered.


Back to Top


Single Copy License Terms of Use

For a print version of the specific document on this webpage, you are welcome to click "Ring a Bell" subject to the following terms:


Before using, accessing, downloading, or copying and/or printing any pages on this website, please read NICA's Single Copy License Terms of Use.  


By using this Northern Illinois Counseling Associates, P.C. (NICA) website and its services, you acknowledge notification of the terms of service and attest to an understanding of, acceptance of, and agreement to all of its terms of service.


Copyright © 2012, 1998 NORTHERN ILLINOIS COUNSELING ASSOCIATES, P.C. (NICA). All Rights Reserved.

No portion of this document may be copied or used by anyone without the express written permission of the owner.



HomeStaff | Services | FAQs | Forms | Articles | Legal | Contact Us | Site Map



The material presented within this website is informational only and is not intended as a substitute for professional services and assistance. We have endeavored to present accurate information, but cannot guarantee that the information on these web pages is always current or correct. We do not assume responsibility for any consequences that may result from using this web page or any sites. We do not necessarily endorse or support the contents, claims, or representations of the websites we provide links to, in whole or in part. While we try to respond to inquiries, we are unable to offer professional advice via email. If you require urgent care, contact Northern Illinois Counseling Associates, P.C. (NICA) at 815-455-6736 or email us at [email protected] to schedule an appointment. If you require emergency care, contact 911 or go the emergency center of your local hospital.

© 2016 Northern Illinois Counseling Associates, P.C.  All rights reserved.