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Marriage Rules/Wedding Rings

Marriage Rules©


By Dr. Larry B. Gelman


In my opinion, a “game” is any strategy, tactic or maneuver designed to obstruct, hinder or prevent the formation of intimacy within a relationship. 


In most instances, the name of the game is NOT to name the game.


When you name the game, you ungame the game.


When you ungame the game, you no longer have to play the game.


When you decide not to play the game, you don’t have to make any points to see who will win or who will lose the game.


The problem with most games is they can be enormous fun to play!


Games and their associated rules, roles and even secrets are often part of the magical draw.


When people play games, there is typically a “buzz” in the air. 


The atmosphere bristles with excitement that something is about to happen. 


And if one is lucky, maybe it will happen to them.  Perhaps a little.  Perhaps a lot.


The games people play provide one methodology for occupying space and time (like zero does with numbers).


A game can be expressed, so that each person in the game knows all the rules.


A game can also be implied, so that each person in the game does not know all the rules.


A game can be both expressed and implied so that each person in the game can essentially make up the rules to suit their needs and purposes as the game continues.


If the context within which any of these games are played is marriage, then the only sure-fire conclusion one can make is that the marriage is a game!


And so long as both partners agree that the whole point of being in their marriage, in this sort of way, is to see who wins and who loses during the life of the game, then great!


But for such a couple, it will be of the utmost importance that they remain ever-vigilant NOT to name the game, because once they do, they will ungame the game and risk being vulnerable to authentic intimacy.


And what fun would that be!


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