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Marriage Rules/Wedding Rings

Marriage Rules©


By Dr. Larry B. Gelman


Character asserts itself when one is in deep trouble or alternatively when one holds all the cards. 


It is easy to “lord” power and control over another when you are up and they are down. 


It is easy to give up power and control to another when you are down and they are up. 


Up-down, down-up.  Like the proverbial teeter-totter. 


Up today, down tomorrow.  Up tomorrow, down today. 


What you see, you already saw.  What you saw, you already see. 


Up-down, down-up.  Teetering and tottering and teetering again. 


A proverbial “see-saw”.


So what are you made of?  Especially during “crunch time”. 


When you are in deep trouble or, alternatively, when you hold all of the cards. 


Character is something you have, but more importantly, is also something you are. 


Are you a character or is character who you are? 




The “clay” of a person.  The “clay” of a marriage. 


Work the clay alone and form the person.  Work the clay together and form the marriage.


If you don’t work the clay, you end up with a static sculpture. 


With a person or in a marriage, it makes no difference. 


Frozen, lifeless, dead.  Don’t work the clay, the clay don’t work.  Gets hard and brittle.  Breaks easily. 


No strength, no give, no good.


Work the clay, the clay works.  Remains soft and pliable.  Adapts easily. 


Huge strength, great give, real good.


Imagine two people working together to form their combined clay into their own image. 


To succeed, they must have a plan, even if it is to plan what form they want their combined clay not to take. 


To succeed, they must communicate, even if their communication is different from everyone else’s - just so long as they understand each other, accord one another genuine respect and act accordingly.  


To succeed, they must work to cooperate and collaborate. 


Both are required to inform, reform and transform their combined clay; only one is required to deform it.


If you don’t work the clay, the clay don’t work. 


Work the clay, the clay works! 


If play time is the work of all healthy, developing children, then “clay time” is the work of all healthy, developing adults. 


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