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Intimacy Rules


"Intimacy requires learning to how to, concomitantly, love and hurt, but never to harm, another person". 


Unconditional LoveDevelopmentally, the original inputs for intimacy are always from the “outside-in”. 


Attentive parents give as much love and affection as they have to give and baby takes it all in as if it was their birthright. 


The growing child quickly discovers that, attached to this relational equation, multiple “conditions of worth” exist which must be satisfied by “good” behavior if the emotional “goodies” are to continue unabated.


Soon, the youngster begins to internalize love and affection as an “inside-in” experience and eventually becomes more competent to provide what is needed exclusively for self. 


However, there remains a very crucial, final step to the process of mature emotional exchange, vis-à-vis, gifting from the “inside-out”.  At this presumed psychological and social juncture, what one gives is more important than what one gets.


Relational Intimacy

In the spirit of “loving with open arms” and “no strings attached”, intimacy rules


“Conditions of worth” are translated into committed personal goals in service of “good form” so that what really matters is the emerging and evolving meaning, purpose, value and quality of every relationship, with self and also with others. 


Interestingly, the word is never written or spoken as “outimacy” because no one ever wants to be “out”, but almost always, “in”. 


“Intimacy” makes it possible for a person to gift self-to-self and self-to other by “loving with open arms” and “no strings attached”. 


Northern Illinois Counseling Associates, P.C. (NICA) can help you learn why and how intimacy rules! 


Dancing Intimate


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